Stories & Books

ClickHOLE ARTICLES

I helped develop and launch The Onion’s spinoff ClickHole, a Webby-winning publication that’s been called the best website on the internet by places like Salon.

As a Staff Writer at ClickHole, I wrote an average of 2-5 satirical stories every week, covering a wide range of topics across news, politics, and culture. Here’s a small sample of the many articles I’ve written.

• PR Nightmare: Make-A-Wish Accidentally Sent A Costumed Hero Named Terminally Ill Spider-Man To A Healthy Kid’s House And Asked The Child To Comfort Him In His Final Hours

• Cyber Gold: Understand Cryptocurrency With ClickHole’s Guide To Bitcoin

• My Infant Son Has A 43% On Rotten Tomatoes. Does Anyone Know How This Happened?

• Twitter Meltdown: Rian Johnson Is Pleading With Fans Not To Watch ‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi’ Because It Contains A Shot Of His Debit Card That He Forgot To Edit Out

• If People Think There’s A Quick Fix To Illegal Immigration They’re As Misguided As The Scientists In My Screenplay ‘Chronotaur: Labyrinth Of Time’

• Abstinence-Only Education Is As Doomed To Fail As The Robo-Chronotaur Built To Fight The Chronotaur In My Screenplay ‘Chronotaur: Labyrinth Of Time’

• Lucky To Be Alive: Harrison Ford Went Skydiving And His Parachute Turned Out To Be An Anchor

• Ah, Fuck: The Brunch Place Your Friend Picked Is Called ‘Pantry & Ladle,’ Which Probably Means It’s Expensive As Hell

• We Hired An Artist To Depict How Climate Change Would Alter New York City, And Unfortunately He Made It Look Kinda Badass

• Encouraging Teamwork: ‘Apex Legends’ Has A Button That Lets Players Easily Announce They Have Diarrhea And Won’t Be Shooting Anyone For A Few Minutes

• Bad Game Design: This Incredibly Lifelike Simulation Of New York City Is Ruined By The Unrealistic Presence Of A Spider-Themed Crimefighter

• The Future Of Journalism: ‘The New York Times’ Is Trying To Win Over A Younger Audience By Having Paul Krugman Livestream Solitaire On Twitch While Discussing Trade Regulations

• Major Headache: The Blue Angels Got Trapped Inside A Costco, And No One Knows How To Get Them Back Outside

• 5 Classic Video Games That Are Sadly Ruined Because They Have Villains In Them

• 7 Handy Mnemonic Devices For Remembering That Humans Usually Don’t Need To Worry About Getting Caught In Spiderwebs

• 9 Stress-Relieving Mantras For People Trapped In A Wine Cask

• We Asked 6 Famous Architects To Explain The Building They Always Wanted To Make, But Never Could

• 7 Tree Nuts, Ranked Using A System You Could Never Even Begin To Understand

Onion Gamers Network

I co-founded The Onion’s video game website Onion Gamers Network, developing the site’s comedic tone and formats.

• Fascinating Lore: Nintendo Revealed That The Reason Mario Always Comes Back To Life After He Dies Is Because Both Heaven And Hell Reject His Soul

• Mild Mild West: ‘Red Dead Online’ Isn’t Worth Playing Since You Can See Real Horses At The Zoo

• They Did it Again: During Wednesday’s Nintendo Direct The Company Announced The Beauty Of A Rose

The Onion’s JOE BIDEN AUTOBIOGRAPHY

I was lead writer on The President Of Vice, the official parody autobiography of The Onion’s popular “Diamond Joe” Biden character.

The Art Of Trover Saves The Universe

Trover Saves The Universe is an action-comedy game from Rick and Morty creator Justin Roiland. I wrote an art book for Dark Horse Comics that explores the design process behind this fan-favorite title. As part of the project I interviewed Justin Roiland and lead developers to learn the previously untold story of the game’s creation.